growing up....i don't wanna
Sooooo, i couldn't sleep, and at midnight i was feeling a little blue and as in the past texted my brother to see if he was awake to chat. He wasn't, at least not when i texted. Eventually I got this text back
"Hia im up now Denise woke up cos my phone was beeping. so she tryed 2 tern my phone off but rangthe house by axedent first. so mum thort we had been blone away by the wind and came 2 check. we sore a torch and thort we had prowlers so i whent out 2 check and fawnd mum. and now we are all awake so hows that 4 a series of avents. and D and I r finewerking 2 hardas usual and u wonet recognise the caravan cos its had a womans tuch. talk soon"
ok, a couple of words of explanation may be useful here, first of all my brother is dyslexic, which is why some of the spellings are kinda odd, this has led to much amusement in the past, but that's another sotry. Second he and his girlfriend Denise live in a mobile home on top of a hill at the back of my parents place. It rocks a lot when its windy.
So my innocent little text caused utter chaos, i feel a plonker. But i gues it's a taste of things to come, and this is what this post is all about. For years my bro hasn't had a steady girlfriend, so when i am down there i bang oin his door, let myself in and just hang out with my bro. I don't know how to share him really, I got pissy with my ex when he took too much of my brothers attention. I have always been quite a demanding little sister, we have always been quite close. He's 6 years older than me, and when he left home, under a cloud and wasn't in contact for ages i felt utterly abandoned and lost. I was only 12 remember, i needed my big brother. When i am awake in the middle of the night and need to make contact with the outside world I automatically think of Piers, after all it's him I called at 3am just to chat when we were both students. Now I can't demand his undivided attention anymore, it'll be Denise sharing him with me, it feels weird. I feel 12 again. Ok, so my world isn't gonna crumble, but I am pretty hormonal at the moment and realising that even those things that are ground into who you are can vanish sooo easily. It's shaken me a little. So at the end of the day it amounts to this. Growing up seems to consist of losing one reassuring myth after another, first Father Christmas, then the Easter Bunny, and the Toothfairy, finally that my brother is on 24hr call to be my brother. I guess I forgot he gets to lead his life too.
"Hia im up now Denise woke up cos my phone was beeping. so she tryed 2 tern my phone off but rangthe house by axedent first. so mum thort we had been blone away by the wind and came 2 check. we sore a torch and thort we had prowlers so i whent out 2 check and fawnd mum. and now we are all awake so hows that 4 a series of avents. and D and I r finewerking 2 hardas usual and u wonet recognise the caravan cos its had a womans tuch. talk soon"
ok, a couple of words of explanation may be useful here, first of all my brother is dyslexic, which is why some of the spellings are kinda odd, this has led to much amusement in the past, but that's another sotry. Second he and his girlfriend Denise live in a mobile home on top of a hill at the back of my parents place. It rocks a lot when its windy.
So my innocent little text caused utter chaos, i feel a plonker. But i gues it's a taste of things to come, and this is what this post is all about. For years my bro hasn't had a steady girlfriend, so when i am down there i bang oin his door, let myself in and just hang out with my bro. I don't know how to share him really, I got pissy with my ex when he took too much of my brothers attention. I have always been quite a demanding little sister, we have always been quite close. He's 6 years older than me, and when he left home, under a cloud and wasn't in contact for ages i felt utterly abandoned and lost. I was only 12 remember, i needed my big brother. When i am awake in the middle of the night and need to make contact with the outside world I automatically think of Piers, after all it's him I called at 3am just to chat when we were both students. Now I can't demand his undivided attention anymore, it'll be Denise sharing him with me, it feels weird. I feel 12 again. Ok, so my world isn't gonna crumble, but I am pretty hormonal at the moment and realising that even those things that are ground into who you are can vanish sooo easily. It's shaken me a little. So at the end of the day it amounts to this. Growing up seems to consist of losing one reassuring myth after another, first Father Christmas, then the Easter Bunny, and the Toothfairy, finally that my brother is on 24hr call to be my brother. I guess I forgot he gets to lead his life too.
posted by Hageltoast at 8:08 am
2 Comments:
Every once in a while I feel that way about a friend who gets into a relationship. I know it's tough, but what can you do? You gotta wish them well, right? Just cross your fingers that you like Denise and it won't bug you so much that she's around.
oh hun, I am sure i will like her, she sounds great, i know i'm being incredibly selfish and i am sooo glad he's found someone to be happy with, but I am a little afraid of changes like this.
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