loved and lost

Most of you know I keep rats. Feb 2004 I collected two of the cutest babies you ever saw in your life, two topaz rats from the Shunamite rattery in Newcastle upon tyne. Alison handles her kittens so well that as we talked and the adoption was completed these two dozed in my elbow crooks happily. They grew up to be amazing loving companions. Pushkin, who is a Topaz dumbo, and Asimov who is a Topaz top ear. I call them my blondie bears coz they got to be quite a good size for rats and a friend said they must be small bears.
Well last night, quite unexpectedly Asimov died. He went very peacefully in his sleep. I shall be keeping a very close eye on Pushkin as the two have never been apart. I hope Chaos and Stryfe are adequate company.
On a brighter note I have been approved to adopt a new dumbo baby from the ratty rascals stud.
The last bank holiday weekend of the summer has been a very mixed one.
RIP Asimov Agent Orange: 12/03 - 08/05

drifting thoughts

posted the following onthe mmb today under the heading
if you knew me

when i was young,i wonder what you'd think of me now. I got fat, lost my nerve, learnt how to be me and got strong again. I stopped having tantrums (on the outside) but i still stamp my inside foot and scream in my head. I still havent learnt a good way to deal with frustration, but i dont run away anymore. I am smart, still lazy, still keeping my head above water 90% of the time and only shining the other 10, but i look for things that make me want to shine now. I found someone good, who i love and who loves me, I think i've found the place where i belong at this point in my life but somewhere i lost a lot of my simple joy, somewhere i lost some of my faith in people. I never discovered god, but i found something to believe in. I miss my Grandpa, of everyone his validation right now would mean sooo much. I know my parents worry about my weight, i know Mum will always find something to worry about for each of her children. I know i want to be slimmer, and healthier (it is affecting my health) but i lack discipline, as with everything, the old laziness creeps in. I started trying things at last, things that are frightening but that i want. It's opening up new aspects of who i am. i journal, tho i fear i have nothing to say. I wonder if people who new me when i was small would recognise me if we talked on line, would find something familiar in who i am now without having to see me face to face. I wonder if i would know them, i never was the most observant. If you made it this far, thanks, i'm just thinking, it's kinda a rhetorical question.

as dishwater?

I have been reading other peoples blogs lately, and i have thought how much more interesting some of these people are. Of course some of them are utterly pointless, but some (Nelly's Garden is one i would recommend) chronicle their lives with humour and colour and interest. I feel Dull today. I feel I have little or nothing to say. Who really is interested in my day to day routine?
But I write here for my own reasons, not to amuse the masses so does it really matter if i am not gripping? Hmmm. I have my own insecurities to deal with, and my weight. I think that is enuff without blog comparisons to turn me into a total nuerotic. ;)

the pleasure of power tools

so Mark and I put up my spice rack yesterday, its fabulous, i love it!! We used no more nails, but it led to a discussion of tools. I am the proud owner of 2 drills, a cordless drill and a corded hammer action drill, with masonary bits, I have a saw and a hacksaw, a well used stanley knife that needs replacing, a craft nice, endless nails, screws and wall plugs. I have screwdrivers, a couple of chisels, etc etc. And my pride and joy is the true tool scarab that goes everywhere with me (unless i am flying. Well I was raised to do things for myself. ;)

Magical Mobile Menagerie!!

I am on the edge of my seat!! So Excited i could pee. I am waiting to hear from Munky whether he can get the loan and from Dad whether he is ok to go ahead, everything crossed we could very soon take possession of the VW Transporter that my Dad has. I am quite sentimental about this van, it has moved me several times. We would convert it into a camper ready for next season. Then perhaps we can take the animals with us when we camp. And we wont be so miserable if its a bit cold. :)
Am i jinxing it by putting it out here? I hope not. Wish us luck!!

Mumbles

Apparently i was muttering a lot in my sleep last nite. I guess that explains why after what seemed ot be quite a good nite sleep i am totally exhausted!! I can barely keep my head up, which is unfortunate at the begining of a working day.
Still it was a good night, i love spending my evenings with M, however quietly. Last night was devoted to playing with the bunny, who is stil pretty scatty but took food from my hand and nudged my feet, now to get her accepting food from M too, and watching Americas Next Top Model, they are repeating season 1!! I am in a state of joy. lol. Total addict.
There is a very slim possibility Tam is gonna bolt over to england for a while and stay with me, which would be cool. See what happens but rumour has it getting a visa wouldnt be as tricky as it appears at first. yay!!!
And today is Warros b-day. Tommorrow they are heading out to Mars to celebrate it reopening. I'd like to go, but money etc may interfere. We shall see.

garden dreams

sooo, i have been thinking, now that the garden is nearly tamed, (it needs mowing desperatly and i need to take the shears to the triffid like bramble,) what do i want to do with it.
Well the dream is a herb garden nearish the house and a pond down at the bottom end, but i am no gardener, i only have a fork because i had to bury a rat out back a while ago, and the picture shows how gardens go under my care. Still, I think i shall have to start thinking about it, maybe get some pots going with herbs that we can transplant into the garden in the spring. Hmmmm.

Horseplay

Ok, so obvioously, we found a bunny. Esme. She is still a little wary but we adore her, and she is settling well really. The Rattles are unconcerned and she has been looking into their cage to see what they are.
Tonite I have my first riding lesson, I havent ridden since my pony was put down when i was 16, so its been 11 years, eeek! my bum will be very sore tommorrow. lol.
M and i turned the box room into the computer room.office, reclaiming the dining room for civilised uses, lol. May even put the table back in there in time. Hmm, not sure tho.
Went to a party at M's pub in Chesterfield and it was lovely, the landlords birthday, really good people there. But it did mean a 5:30 start to get to work this morning, and i finally booked in at the docs to get my cough looked at.
More later i guess. :)

bunny luvin!!

Soo, Munky said he wants a chichilla, i pointed out they live up to 18 years, so we settle on a dwarf bunny, uber cute!! So later today we are going bunny hunting!! I have nevr had a bunny and i love them so i am very excited, of course it will be M's pet, but will be residing at Chateau Toast for practical reasons (staffy terrier basically) with the rattles. Life is sweet and furry.

AAAAAAAAARGH!!!

ok, i keep working on my front page, and i get it looking fabulous, i love dreamweaver, but I upload it onto angelfire and it goes all wonky, with big spaces between the different rows of the table. I swear i'm going to scream!!!!

Fruity!

"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
Enrico Caruso

I love Watermelon, its been years since i had one whole, as opposed to the cubes you get in a store bought fruit salad, I had forgotten the simple pleasure of it. I am in love all over again with my childhood fruity fave. And the best thing, I can share this fun with the rats, coz they love it and its good for them!!

Chaos and Stryfe

Ok, ok, well, i never said i wasnt impulsive. Chaos and Stryfe are my two new babies, darling little hoodied rats who are incredibly tiny next to Pushkin and Asimov. I shall no doubt beposting a zillion picturesof my furbabies now i have two adorable new boys. :)

Far and Away

Ok, so after the camping trip, I managed to get my temprature down, just in time for my flight to Germany. I was met at Hahn airport by Uplifted Soul and her hubby and we headed back to Bitburg where i stayed with them. We saw Batman and went bowling on the airbase (I am the gutter queen of bowling), and visited a castle in luxembourg and castle ruins in germany. All in all, although i was a bit poorly, I had a really good time and Soul and her man are lovely!!!
I then went to Edinburgh, where i was met by my old uni mate Nikki, her fella and my Munky. We were going to do the castle, but it was packed with tourists, so we walked down the royal mile and then visited ruins of the palace at linlithgow (SP?). We also went out on the beer for a nite, ending up at nikkis friends pub where 7 of us took over the upstairs room, drank too much and played hangman and simpsons battle of the sexes, with much laughing and mocking. It may not sound wild but you'd be surprised. ;)
Then Munky and i parted ways on the train as i went to newcastle, for Simons wedding. Simon and i are old old friends, we met on our very first day at uni and clicked instantly, we have been close ever since and i love him to pieces. I got all choked up when he made his speech and i have to say i never realised how much i wanted to se that boy happy!! His new wife seems lovely and i hope to get to know her better in time.
REconnected with Andrew and Roy which was nice, and met John and Helen, who i was aware of but was delighted to finally meet!! And Simons parents rock!
Well, I would expand, but its quite long enuff for now. I may take a trip down memory lane another day and share some university moments with you, but for now, thats what i've been up to. :)