Friday, April 28

Who do you love?

What are your daily blog addictions?
I get on happily when Carly, Kamper and Jazz are all blogging like crazy people, and there are plenty more that I browse on a more casual basis, Tales from a tiny kitchen has a long list that i reference time to time. I love Blue fluff and Nelly to visit a couple fo times a week and Gut Rumble sis good for just that.
I thought it was just light entertainment till i had a week were virtually no one had anything interesting to say, Black and White was stil, Tequila Red and others were all sooo quiet. I was sooo restless i couldn't concentrate without my daily dose of other peoples lives.
I have talked about why we blog before, in answer a post by Jazz, but I have to say I forget how much I miss being involved in every aspecct of someones life. I think it is from University, I lived with 5 other girls and the boys downstairs were friends and we mostly knew each others movements and were soooo wrappe dup in each others lives. My friendships don't seem like that anymore, but then I don't live with anyone. I miss it in a way, not sharing my home, just that access to someone elses' thoughts and life, the way perspective and reality go out of the window and a mutual perception takes over.
Anyway, I guess these bloggers that i read regularly give me a sense of that, I can follow the thoughts and moments of someone else's life. Though nothing will replace playing music and reading poetry at 4 in the morning because we lost track of time with Jolanda and a bowl of angel delight. (Like Jello Pudding)

Tuesday, April 25

Spring Begins in Earnest

Weather be damned, my weekends are suddenly full of activity, so I know it's spring. This weekend, friday night was Q69's birthday so M & I headed over to meet them for the journey into town, where we had a few drinks, hung out and chatted with people, Q has a strange array of friends, which is great.

We weren't out very late, but while we were there M talked them into coming to ours on sat for the football. So Saturday I was up bright and early and cleaning like a demon, got soooo much done, frdges swapped and cleaneing done, and food shopping, ripped up the horrid carpet from the conservatory, prepared a tonne of food for our guests and generally made the place nice, M helped of course, mowed the lawn and did a few bits in the house, including hoovering. It's all starting to look nearly habitable now.
So Q & J came over, we hung out, watched footy, talked and passed the time till they went off to yet more partying. Sunday we weren't sure if we were going to do anything. We headed to borders for coffee and browsing, then came home and decided that we fancied Ironbridge, so I threw an overnight bag in the boot and off we went. We found a gorgeous room in a and stayed the night. The pub we were in was having it's quiz night, so we had a really wonderful supper and joined in the quiz, definately worth a pound for the entertainment value. M was appalled that it was my first ever pub quiz. I suspect i may do more. We were the first people ever to stay in the room and it wasn't quiet, being just above the bar, but we weren't exaclty going to bed early, and it was a very pretty calm room. We loved it so much we are going back in three weeks.

I can't do the Ironbridge itself justice, it was the first of it's kind of an amazing feat of engineering for it's time, even now it's pretty impressive, and the Gorge it is in is lovely, you feel so far from civilisation even though you are only 10miles from Wolverhampton. Just bliss. Lots of museams to explore next time too.

Friday, April 21


The last post in Haphazard Life got me thinking about the things that make you feel good and put that strut in your stride.
I remember getting ready in the toilets at work for a date and heading out in to the street. I'd worked hard at losing weight and was nervous but feeling fairly good about myself. A young, not unnatractive guy gave me a frank look and whistled as i passed him, it was just the boost i needed. I strode of feeling fabulous.
But a song i love with a good beat does it too, walking to work i notice how my pace changes according to what is on MP3, some songs just make me feel great.
And why are compliments from strangers sometimes so much more powerful than compliments from people who love us? Do we assume that because they love us they see us differently?
Right, ok, well this is what happens if i don't have coffee before i start blogging. I am gonna go make my first cup of nasty instant office coffee now,

Thursday, April 20

Hope of the States

I love this band!!! I saaw them in 2004 at the Rescue Rooms in Nottingham and they rocked, so I went last night to see them at the Charlotte. If it wasn't sold out it can't have been far off. It's a nice small venue, but the sound is a tricky issue and virtually all the views are bad, but still, we had a nice lively set of really great rock!!! I was happy. :)
For a full review check out this link, courtesy of the wonderful people at Peace and Love.
fortunately we didn't have the power cut.

Wednesday, April 19

Jackanory - Tell me a story

Ok, so yesterday I had my first session with the hypnotherapist. I went to work, walked in, and drudged through the day waiting till itwas timeto go.
My vital Stats BTW
Height 5ft 6inches
Weight 18st 4pounds (eeek)
dress size 24
i'm also a G.

Anyway, I left work 5mins early and headed up tot he bus stop,where the bus turned up instantly, as if by magic, found the place again , noproblem, but was 35mins early and he wasn't ready for me. I headed to the Subway on the corner for a coffee to wait. Lol, I paid and took my cup and got a dribble of frothy milk and water, and asplash of caffiene, and then removed my cup before the next dribble. oops. Very weak coffee. lol.

I passed thetime till i was due at the therapist and headed back. It went well, I was hypnotised, just very deep relaxation, you could move but you don't want to, and you are aware of what's going on. I remember the session but have no concept of time. We then talked a bitand i took away a cd to use till my next session. I felt relaxed and peppy. I listened tothe CDthis am and felt relaxed and peppy again. Things didn't stress me as much today. I stillate too much but not as much and we aren't actually dealing directly with my weight. It was good and i would recommend it to anyone who has trouble relaxing.

I then went straight to Q69's to tell her all about it and have a cup of tea. i didn't get a photo of the handsome fox that was trotting around her garden, wish i had. She took fat photos of me for comparison, which i will not be posting but will keep for the future. Instead I decided to post a different kindof fox. The new Dr Who. lol

Tuesday, April 18

The rest of Easter

Ok, soooo, sunday & monday were quiet again, spent hanging around watching Scrubs and the Great Biker Build off mostly, I now know the difference between soft tail and rigis frame chopper bikes.
We went to Borders monday morning so Mark could get an acoustic guitar book and he lent me the money for Julie/Julia, a book by a Julie Powell who spent a year wrking through Julia Childs, Mastering the art of french cookery and blogged about it. Well I have read some of the blog and am really enjoying the book!!!!
i also did some homework on sunday. Pfffffffffft. :p
But I did some more this morning at work and I am getting there at last.
I baked some cakes, and made bolognaise a different way from usual, which I will post on Tales of a Tiny Kitchen at some point, and basically we ambled through the weekend not doing anything very much except playing and enjoying each others company. It was nice.

Sunday, April 16

Happy Easter

So far we are having a quiet one. M came down thursday night andon friday about lunch timeweheaded up to his parents. M, Phil, their dad and I went to the Arkwright for a beer festival, Phil and I didn't drink much and were pretty sober, M &his dad got a bit mashed, it was areally nice way to spend an afternoon, hanging out in a pub surrounded by people who know and like us, even M's ex who serves behind the bar was civil when she had to serve him, although she made a bit of a point of being friendly with his dad and totally blanking the 3 of us. lol, you'd think after more than a year she'd be over their two month relationship. ah well. I find it a little sad but can't honestly say it bothers me much.
Yesterday we trundled home and did the shopping, today nothing will be open but that's ok, I have homework to doand Mark has his lovely new guitar toplay with. He is presently pulling tab of the internet.
/Oh, and yesterday the new doctor who started. Yay, David Tennant, yummmy!

Thursday, April 13

Ep 4 - The New Hope

lol, well, a glass of wine, chatting to friends and a good nights sleep helped make this morning brighter and more hopeful. Graham assures me his notes on the analysis are superb, which they usually are, so yay for that!!
Definately feeling more chipper.

Wednesday, April 12

therapy girl

Doesn't matter that you stick hypno in front of it, it'sstill therapy. I went wanting help with my weight, but in 5-7 sessions he reckons he can also help with my confidence, stress and self sabotage. Well i feel stressed right now. I feel like i could cry right now. My first assignment came back, i have to re do a chunk of it and send it back in, it's not so much that i got stuff wrong, it is just maths and i was always lousy at that, lol, but the humiliation, Warro keeps telling me you'd have to be a moron to cock up any part of this course, so the person who's help i want is the person i'd be humiliated to go to. I shall borrow grahams file and figure it out alone, and it will be fine, but i left the next assignment late and i have to study for the exam, so i can't afford the precious hours i have to spend on the first one.
I mademy first proper appointment with the therapist, next tuesday after work, more of my precious time lost. Some days iwantto curl up in bed and wait for it all to be over. Still, I am pretty good at coping really, i tackle stuff mostly when it comes down to the wire, and i shall sort this out too. Right now I have to get ready to do someovertime for work, lol, what a joke, i can barely afford to spend normal time in work, sheesh, thank god there is no evening class during the easter hols, although i miss it,I find Autocad strangely theraputic, maybe because I am good at it.

on a lighter note,here of me and M's brother Phil at kenilworth castle

Tuesday, April 11

red light means stop.

don'tknowwhat i am talkingabout, not you, me, i don't know. I amsitting atmydesk at home staring blankly at my rubber traffic cone, and that is what popped into my head.
i went to see a hypnotherapist last night for an assessment. nothing new, I spent the last tenyears building bad habits, i suffer from stress but it's better than it used tobe, i haveno particular trauma,i jusst amwhat i am. I can still be helped. He will teach me not to sabotage myself, to believe in myself more, to break old habits and build new ones. I like him,just as well since i am trusting himwith my mind. I trust mark with my mind too, my mental and emotional health. i didn't know this is what it couldfeel like,to love and be loved, to not have to be onedge, to not be able to pick a fight when i come home pissy, andto beglad of that, to let someone fold me up in a hug and have everything just oooze away till i feel calm. i'm going to marry him when he asks, which he will, i'm glad,amongst everything else i have that to hold onto. im n0t afraidanymore, but i still hav e trouble stopping, standing still, letting him bringlife to a stop for a moment so we can breathe. must work on that, happily ever after is in those out of time and space breaths. stopping now.

6 weeks to a year

May 25th 2005 this was my blog entry...

Marvellous May!!
so Piers, my brother, came up at the weekend to clear the garden and give me something to work with, it was a jungle, and there wqas a severe danger of being eaten alive by ants in there!!
So he was due to come up thursday evening, he finally arrived at 2:30am on friday. YIKES!!! I had to wait up for him. No wonder really that since then my cold has won and i am really feeling quite poorly.
Still we got loads done and on saturday a few people came round to bbq, it was lovely. A few people included Mark, who came from a little further up north to meet me while my bro and friends where there. He even ended up having to meet mum who hadnt left when expected. He took it all in his stride and we had a wonderful weekend. Erm...I think he's my boyfriend *grins*, it certainly has that feel to it. Will have more idea after this weekend. He's coming down again. :)
I am very happy inspite of illness!
posted by Hageltoast at 3:54 PM 0

it's six weeks away to the date that I met Mark for the first time. It's flown by so fast, and we have come such a long way. I hope our 2nd year together will start with him moving in.
It's so funny, we nearly argued for the first time at the weekend, but totally failed to get into proper fight mode. lol
me: we can honeymoon in australia
him: i don't like australia, what about new zealand?
me what's wrong with australia?
him? it's just like here but hotter
me: well I want to go to australia
him: well it's good to know i'm getting no say at all in anything

time passes
him: what about the maldeves
me: I don't want to go to the stupid maldeves i want to go to australia, but fine, we can go to new zealand

a few minutes later
me: how about we buy a VW van and tour europe in it?
him: yeah, lets do that.

Crises averted. Of course, there nees to be a proposal, engagement, wedding and all the rest before where we go for the honeymoon becomes life or death, nothing like getting ahead of ourselves. ;)

why blog - my response for you Jazz

This started life as a comment, but got kinda long, so click the title to see the post i am responding to.

Why blog? Is it self important, self absorbed.

blogging makes us part of a community again, like the forums, it takes the place of disecting the minutae of life over coffee because that isn't always possible, and it adds to what is possible, it makes us feel part of each others real live's and adds new dimensions of thought to our own. people are afraid that the www is helping people escape socialisation, but in most cases, society has been breaking down for so long, communities are falling apart without the help of the internet and for many of us, in our busy lives, with our friends moving all around the country, if not world, away from our hometowns, the internet allows us to build communities where we would have had to drift alone or nearly so, and to hold on to ties we would have lost long ago without it.
And frankly it's a damn good read over coffee.

Monday, April 10


You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!

what will you do to be thin?

or in my case a healthy body weight. Well, tonite I am having my assessment interview with a hypno therapist to see if he can help me, all else having failed at this point. Over the years on meds, clubs, books and specific foods I have spent £100's at least this way, even if it doesn't work, I should feel better for my money.
I am desperate, I need to lose weight, quite a lot to get out of the "oh my god i'm amazed you haven't had a heart attack already" weight bracket. This worries me, especially since my eating is out of control and my weight is heading up again. I am unhappy with it, it makes me feel achey and lethargic and i don't sleep well and things are gettin gon top of me and sometimes i look in the mirror and want to cry, and yet in every other way my life is happier and better than it has ever been, I have never loved or accepted myself as well as i do now, everything accept my weight. I don't even wan to be thin, I love having curves, I wouldn't lose them for the world, but it is out of hand right now. Badly.
So wish me luck tonite, because if this is a no go, then i don't know what else i can do.

Sunday, April 9

sleet ona sunday

It's Sunday evening and my weekly funk is uponme. I hate this, thelast couple fo hours before bed. When M goes to work on Monday (getting up at 5am) I never know ifhe will makeit down before thursday, The plus side is at least this week I know we have the long easter weekend to look forward to.
It has been a fun weekend again. On friday Dave the lodger came over in the evening and vegged out, watched tv and generally hung out. He seemstoenjoy being here, andwe love having him over, he is easy company and I am looking forward to introducing him to Phil, i think their humour should blend well. We are all going to Led Zep Too at the Charlotte att heend of the month. Well Dave stuck around till saturday afternoon, after lunch, and saturday was good too,I cooked pizza from scratch) and moved stuff around and M mowed the lawn, and sorteda PC out and stuff. Today we had a slow start, then ambled toBorders tolook at books and have a coffee, then it was into town to meet Q69 & J & a couple of others for lunch at the Eataway chinese, yum. M looked at acoustic guitars and may be making a purchase soon, cool and groovy. yay!
Now I am gonna see what I can rustle up for tea and sort sandwiches out for tommorrows lunches. I hate sunday nights, I hate that M still lives in Sheffield.

Saturday, April 8

Blue skies, green frogs and dried pigs ears

Yesterday I took the afternoon off and wandered down to the bus station to meet Froggy. We have been on line buddies for about 4 years and in a bizarre twist of circumstances she started seeing my ex. The best thing about this is she has come to the UK for 6months to be with him, yay, because I get to play with her too.
After picking her up we started to ander into town, stopping at thepet shop so I could get disinfectnt, she was a little grossed out by the dried pigs ears as dog chews and live grubs and meal worms on the counter, never occured to me they don't do that everywhere. We went toCroques for lunch, they do fabulous sandwich things, like croques (posh toasties) wraps and pitta's, Froggy had her first ginger beerand it was lovely because they have them in the old fashioned bottles there instead of cans.
We wandered around some of my favourite shops, Forbidden Planet, where the three people iknow were all on so that was cool, and Discovery where they sellall sorts f improted art thing that seem really randomly priced, the very bizaar which she loved, and where i introduced her to the lovely Andrew (bottom pic). We also took ina second hand book store and gallery where Froggy was in her element! It was a really joyful afternoon, finished off with the speedy and sinfull sharing of a bag of Thorntons chocolates.

here we are, Froggy is holding some beautiful china frogs.

Friday, April 7

Friendships, ain't they strange.

A friend is using her blog to vert at the moment about how much of a tasteless bridezilla a friend of hers is, as a bridesmaid she is first in line fro the ugly side of weddingyness on the brides side i think.
It was interesting that people assumed she didn't like the bride and she has had to go as far as to point out she wouldn't have said yes to being a bridesmaid if she didn't. I get it, i really do.
Nik and I are good friends, we really care about each other, but it didn't start out that way, she hated me and i was oblivious at first and then confused and then wanted to sort it because we were flat sharing. We got it figured out in the end and built a freindship, but we'd started with hostility.
Recently, this is ten years on keep in mind, we were both part of one of those silly email conversations between a group of people with varying degrees of knowing each other. We carried on as normal with teasing and name calling and silliness, then someone replied asking what was up and were we both ok, why the hostility, we were both like WTF? hostile? we aren't hostile unless we are throwing things, and only then if they are heavy or sharp, we pay no attention to each others comments unless there are at least 4 exclamations !!! is fun, !!!!!!!! means OI! lol, and we were both sitting in different parts of the country wondering why someone who didn't know me and had never seen us together thought we were upset with each other. Funny to see a freindship fromt he outside, just shows how easy it is to misinterpret. So, T, while I think your friend has no class or style I know you want to do the best to meet her requests and give her the day she wants. You rock.

Thursday, April 6

Soccer to Some

I have never been interested in football. Occasionally i watch an England match with other people and I enjoy that well enough, but it has never occured to me to go and see a live match, or support a club or care really about any off it. I understand the offside rule because it seemed unlikely that women couldn't understand it, as i'd heard claimed. I have arrived at the conclusion that a lot of men just explain it really badly, it's actually very simple.
Anyway, M called me last night and asked how I felt about going to see some guy called Dave at a testimonial match in Wallsall. M is very excited, it would seem this guy is kind of his hero, I don't mind, he does so much for me that going to see the football is no great trauma, and i usually enjoy live events, just amused me that he wanted me to come, it's midweek so there isn't any need for me too, I am kind of pleased he wants to share this with me.
Apparently he will be introducing me to 20/20 cricket too this year.

Wednesday, April 5

National Rat Day

the title is a link a friend sent me.
I love the ratties, they are soooo cute, and do make wonderful pets. Easier than the bunnies, although I love them too of course. I managed to get my mitts round Esme last night to check her over and get her used to being handled. She made some resentful grunting, but i think she is coping better than she used to, the last two or three times she hasn't drawn blood. :)

I am trying to book an assessment session with a hypno therapist today, my eating is out of hand and i need to do something about it. Something serious.

Monday, April 3

Sink or swim?

I've managed a couple of decent nights sleep in the last week, so naturally allt he overtired, strung out stuff has hit me, i feel like icould collapse between the sheets and stay there for a month. I have so much to do, at home, for school, at work, and i am so overwhelmed and energyless i am frozen looking at it.
I made a little headway this weekend, I did 7 loads of laundry, well washed it and hung it out anyway, it's all drying, soon I shall have to deal with getting it all put away.
This morning i walked into work, iwas doing it every day before xmas, last week i didn't manage once, just couldn't find the energy, which is silly coz i always feel more alive for doing it.
Tonite i am swimming with Q69, that should be fun, we always have a giggle and she traiend as a gym instructor,she got 18 laps out of me last time, i've never done more than 8 before in my life!! And she didn't even have to make me cry. lol.
I took the afternoon as study leave, did about 10minutes studying, i shall take the stuff with me to work tommorrow and try to get stuck in in the morning before people get in, tho i have lunch with Tammy, a meeting in the am and a meeting inthe afternoon, so time will be a little tight. Maybe tommorrow night i willbeinthe mood to study, maybe i will just have to knuckle down if i don't wantto fail this module.
Right, i am gonna get some dinner so it's all down before i hit the water.

Sunday, April 2

Kenilworth Castle

Phil came down yesterday aswell as Mark, and since we actually had sunshine (wow!) we went to Kenilworth Castle. All those years of school in cov and having a friend in Kenilworth, yet i don't think i've ever been before.
We set off a little before ten, no rush after all. M had let hi sMP3 run low on battery soi got my wicked way, which meant we spent most of the 3/4 of an hour jumping tracks they don't like. lol. The Wildhearts and Guns and Roses were mutually acceptable, the theme tune to Hamtaro got skipped. Still, not everyone appreciates a good cartoon theme tune.
We got to the castle a little after ten and ambled in, Mark had his Heritage card, so we all chipped in £2 for Phil and all in all it seemed like a cheap day out.
Here are the boys just inside the entrance.

The castle is beautiful, mostly ruined, but far more vast than we'd considered, and there are enough bits of stairwell intact for exploration.
One section of the ruins

The weather stayed reasonable for most of our visit, and we spent acouple fo hours just ambling about enjoying the views from every angle. i also played around a bit with the effects on my camera, well it was the perfect venue for a few negative style shots.
here's the end of the stable block in it's "Silent Hill" glory.

After ward we went to the Beefeater pub across the road for a bar meal. It was dissapointing, they were very busy and under staffed and the food was, well, edible, but given they have a proper restaurant there we didn't feel it was up to much. Next time we shall try the Caledonian next door.
Good view from the window tho.

We topped the day off with a visit to the garden centre, always fun.